When I moved to Eagan last year on February 17, 2012 I had one of those long talks with myself as I stared at the ceiling taking in the quietness around me in this unfamiliar place. That conversation was not pretty. It was one of those conversations that goes like ..... "but I like that" ... "But 'that' is ruining your life... " ... So ultimately the Holy Spirit & gift of forgiveness that I received at baptism many years prior shined a beautiful light on me in that moment. Along side many prayers from my family, especially my mother :)) , coworkers, & friends. I decided my son & I needed & deserved more. I started by eliminating a few lengthy friendships & stuck to myself for a while & pleaded for direction, I was lonely, I was sad, but i would always see my son & his continued growth so I decided to let God take over & completely surrendered my own "plans." BEST DECISION. My only goal was to get involved in "some sort community in Eagan" & frankly i don't know what my motivation was for having that goal (GOD) ... but i figured well I'm over weight & have a christian faith so i did two things that made the most sense: joined Mary, Mother of the Church & Lifetime both in Eagan & both minutes from my new home. Wow. God is amazing.
Most of you reading this know may know the past few years weren't easy for me. Maybe some of you don't know that my past prior to living in Eagan consisted of a very rocky relationships, troubling & an unsafe environment. however, through it all I maintained & excelled in my career. so I always used that as an excuse of why my personal life was so chaotic. You can't have both. my personal life prior to last Feb was so unbalanced. In reflection, I found myself trapped in a web of friendships, groups of people, types of food, music, & situations that were not healthy nor healing & actually very damaging to my inner peace & the preciousness & innocence of my own child. I didn't know what inner peace was or that it existed. I lived in a constant state of endless drama for years. BUT my past is my past & because of some poor decisions I made..... I'm here today!!!
Last year, I was at a turning point in my life where I wanted to give my child more than just a fair chance at life, even if i couldn't give him the "perfect family i dreamed of," i was determined that he would have the best home, everything he needed & a little more. That started with a safe environment. Hence the move to Eagan. And IMMEDIATELY, the quality of life for Cameron & I changed for the better. And then, somehow a few days after I moved I ended up through the doors of Lifetime. Committing to 6 am training sessions 3xs a week. I thought I lost it for sure. Those around me thought that too. I heard a lot if criticism from people who I thought wanted happiness for me, telling me I'm choosing this "training" over my son. I again, somehow disregarded that negativity & kept pushing on. As the months past, layers upon layers of YEARS of pain, sadness, lies, falseness, disbelief, rage, anger & self worth rose through my cells as I controlled and eliminated more and more unhealthy and toxic choices: from food to friends to quitting smoking to eliminating dairy to testing my mental strength through detox to seeing my shoulder muscle for the first time. I ran 10 miles without stopping. I can not believe how much growth I've seen in myself as I was determined everyday of the 365 to continue my new life. I couldn't have done this alone and I didn't do this on my own. Frankly, with out the crew of you encouraging me I wouldn't be this passionate, this educated, & this impactful.
First & foremost thank you God for giving me inner strength to fight though the hard times & helping me to see each small achievement as a form of success. Secondly, i can't put in to words my feelings without crying. God puts people in your life for a reason. Cameron, I love you more than I can ever put in words. I'm so honored to be your mother. Your joy for life is why I'm doing this. Again, God puts people in your life for a reason, Alicia Scheulke, you have a gift. Your commitment to helping people change their lives inspires me. You've changed my life forever. You pushed me when I thought I peaked. You believed in me when I didnt believe in myself. You reminded me how important I am to my teammates when I was injured in October. You accepted me for my imperfections. For all those reasons & 3,579 more. You are an impeccable woman at the age of 25 & you've saved so many lives I'm just in awe. Awwww Kristin Hogan, your conviction for better health through your coaching has brought my plate progression & food transformation to a whole new level. You challenged me to stop eating dairy for one week. And you believed I could do it. Your spirit is always with me when I'm making food decisions & you have the kindest soul. Lifetime is so lucky to have you two, you both need to demand raises!! There are so many other people to thank for their encouragement my very close friend & coworker Kim G who has whole heartedly given me the best advice & direction for choices, & has always cared. Thank you. Nico Moore you showed me ways that i could parent & my relationship with my son has never been better, thank you for helping me embrace my self as my self which I didn't know how awesome it was to be my self -- thank you. Mari Rodriguez for being my virtual workout buddy, now you know when the word competition is involved she & I will be there in #1 or #2!!!!. Ann Marie Kline for being my detox buddy.... Holy cow thank you!!! My best friend Ashley Korf for running & encouraging me to sign up for races (lost count at the #). But again to all of you, who are mentally cheering me on, telling me, asking me, showing me that my journey is inspiring I would say: you're why I am here. Keep me accountable to you. And know that every choice you make could be your last so live life to the fullest everyday and be the change you want to see!!!!!
Xoxo
Ms. Green Pea
